Chapter 10: Overcoming self-centeredness

In many ways I found Chapters 9 and 10 to be very similar. The addictive behaviors mentioned in Chapter 9 are a result of self-centered behavior. Thus, Chapter 10 highlights the fact that selfishness is sin, regardless if it is addictive behavior or not.

Getz makes a good point on p. 111. "My purpose is to illustrate that a Christian man who is self-centered, self-pleasing and self-oriented does not have a good reputation. He is overbearing and frequently rubs others the wrong way."

How often do we cover up our selfishness by simply calling it a "personality flaw or conflict"?

The term authadees (the double "ee" stands for a Greek eta, for those of you keeping up with the Greek terms) means self-willed, prideful, arrogant, or stubborn. Now really, who among us is not self-willed at some point? We are all guilty.

However, there is a pattern of behavior that Getz identifies that all disciples of Jesus Christ need to avoid. "It's difficult to confront a self-willed Christian because 'teachability' is not that person's strong suit. Most of us resist telling such a person our true feelings because we're intimidated and often fear rejection. Rather, we work hard to please and to be accepted by an overbearing person. Unfortunately, people naturally talk about this person rather than to this person." (p.112)

Now, do you agree with Getz assessment?

Getz goes on to say that this character trait (flaw?) is "often a smoke screen to cover up our feelings of insecurity and a weak self-image." (p.113) You can see how, especially in men, this trait can lead to problems in management, handling conflict, and developing relationships--with especially damaging results to our marriages.

Ultimately, Getz nails each one us on p.115. "Some of us have simply learned to be self-centered and self-willed. We're spoiled and conceited. We were overindulged as children. We always had our own way, and we still want our own way as adults."

Getz continues: "We can often live a life of pious behavior in certain realms but be selfish and self-centered in other circumstances." This attitude is evidents in the authoritarian manager or pastor, in the controlling spouse or parent.

Seems to me that if we are truly secure in our spiritual status before God, then we will be able to be transparent with those around us. Insecurity leads to defensiveness. Defensiveness appears as pride and stubbornness. We refuse to move because we are afraid.

Do not be filled with a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Getz then zeros in on the proper attitude of the disciple of Christ: A spiritually and psychologically mature Christian, however, does not use his willpower to dominate and crush others. He is able to maintain a balance between being strong willed and humble."