Chapter 10: Overcoming self-centeredness

In many ways I found Chapters 9 and 10 to be very similar. The addictive behaviors mentioned in Chapter 9 are a result of self-centered behavior. Thus, Chapter 10 highlights the fact that selfishness is sin, regardless if it is addictive behavior or not.

Getz makes a good point on p. 111. "My purpose is to illustrate that a Christian man who is self-centered, self-pleasing and self-oriented does not have a good reputation. He is overbearing and frequently rubs others the wrong way."

How often do we cover up our selfishness by simply calling it a "personality flaw or conflict"?

The term authadees (the double "ee" stands for a Greek eta, for those of you keeping up with the Greek terms) means self-willed, prideful, arrogant, or stubborn. Now really, who among us is not self-willed at some point? We are all guilty.

However, there is a pattern of behavior that Getz identifies that all disciples of Jesus Christ need to avoid. "It's difficult to confront a self-willed Christian because 'teachability' is not that person's strong suit. Most of us resist telling such a person our true feelings because we're intimidated and often fear rejection. Rather, we work hard to please and to be accepted by an overbearing person. Unfortunately, people naturally talk about this person rather than to this person." (p.112)

Now, do you agree with Getz assessment?

Getz goes on to say that this character trait (flaw?) is "often a smoke screen to cover up our feelings of insecurity and a weak self-image." (p.113) You can see how, especially in men, this trait can lead to problems in management, handling conflict, and developing relationships--with especially damaging results to our marriages.

Ultimately, Getz nails each one us on p.115. "Some of us have simply learned to be self-centered and self-willed. We're spoiled and conceited. We were overindulged as children. We always had our own way, and we still want our own way as adults."

Getz continues: "We can often live a life of pious behavior in certain realms but be selfish and self-centered in other circumstances." This attitude is evidents in the authoritarian manager or pastor, in the controlling spouse or parent.

Seems to me that if we are truly secure in our spiritual status before God, then we will be able to be transparent with those around us. Insecurity leads to defensiveness. Defensiveness appears as pride and stubbornness. We refuse to move because we are afraid.

Do not be filled with a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Getz then zeros in on the proper attitude of the disciple of Christ: A spiritually and psychologically mature Christian, however, does not use his willpower to dominate and crush others. He is able to maintain a balance between being strong willed and humble."

Measure of a Man: Chapter 9: What are you addicted to?

As I began writing this blog, I got hung up on the word "moderation." However, the key term that latched onto me was addiction.

According to Getz, being moderate in lifestyle means that one avoids addiction and over-indulgence. 1 Timothy 3 specifically addresses alcohol with the term "paroinos" which "literally means a man 'who sits too long at his wine.'" (Getz, 99). Getz extends the discussion to include smoking, over-eating (ouch), and drugs.

I think Getz application is accurate. The man of God is too avoid addictive behavior. Of course, this raises some questions.

Is there some addictive behavior that is more acceptable than others?

1. Some may argue that some addictions, like food or video games, are harmless or less of a negative fact for society. Other behaviors, like smoking or drinking or gambling or sex, have often been readily condemned for the easily identifiable impact that they have on society.

2. Some might argue that certain addictions are "pre-programmed" by our genes, or we may excuse certain addictive behaviors due to family culture and social programming. "Hey, its not my fault--my mother made me this way!"

Truth be told, all addictive behavior is negative and unacceptable for the man or woman of God. Some of us may have genetic predispositions to anger, but that does not make murder acceptable. Some may have survived terrible trauma in childhood or adulthood, but it does not mean that negative behaviors are to be perpetrated on society at large. The truth is, our genetic make up is fragile, and everyone one of us suffers from sort of predisposition to act in our own interest. Addictive behavior takes this selfish attitude and fulfills its desires regardless of the cost to the individual or to society. Thus, by defining an attitude as addictive, we have identified an actions or attitude that is selfish to the core and a behavior that does not exhibit that attitude of Christ on the cross. Ultimately, addictive, impulsive behaviors do not seek to benefit anyone but the user. Addiction is the enemy of "Love God, Love your neighbor."

So what do we do? Getz gives us simple and practical ways of addressing addictive behavior.

1. Don't judge--we are all subject to an imperfect body and imperfect society. Therefore, we are all capable to being addicted to something--and most likely are.

2. Be disciplined. We are programmed to fail. (p. 107). Break the cycle by programming you spirit with spiritual discipline. We all sin. It doesn't have to be an automatic choice. Fight sin with the power of the Resurrection that abides in you through the blood of Jesus Christ. Remember: HE IS ENOUGH!

3. Practice a higher principle. Addiction is all about me. We need to move our focus from ourselves to our love for God and our fellow man. Of course, this is not possible without faith in Jesus.

Addiction is a natural bi-product of our wealthy, self-centered Western culture. After all, everyone tells us that it is about us.

The Kingdom of God is radically different. It is about Jesus. Christ first. Christ is enough. He is the only one worthy of our love, our addiction.

Measure of a Man: Communicating Sensitively or Rightly?

I agree with Getz that good communication is a part of a healthy life, and kind words are important for the Christian. However, I am not sure that Getz captures the proper concept in this chapter. (And again I hope I don't sound too critical here.)

There are a couple phrases later in the list in 1 Tim 3:2 (including not quarrelsome, not violent but gentle) that seems to fit this chapter better. Getz himself uses terms like gentleness, kindness, and patience in describing the character he sees in this term. The term is listed on p. 89: didaktilos. The root term means "to teach," and it is the same root used for "disciples," of those who learn from a teacher. This form is unusual in classic Greek, and thus it makes me think that in some ways it is a Christian form used to describe those in the Christian faith who have the gift of teaching. Again, the root itself is usually limited to the "classroom" experience, where a master imparts knowledge to a follower. Thus, Getz's emphasis on gentleness seems to be misplaced here.

Why would Getz do this? Well, his rationale is listed on p. 90, and I find it interesting and compelling. "Note that the English phrase 'able to teach' is surrounded by words that describe not skills but qualities of life. In his communication, Timothy was to avoid arguments. He was to be kind to all people . . . He was to be patient even when falsely accused and personally attacked. He was to correct those who opposed him in a gentle manner. Note: Sandwiched right in the middle of these qualities of life is the phrase 'able to teach.'" In his writings to Timothy, Paul gave us a very clear and functional definition of this quality of maturity. To be able to teach means that we must learn how to communicate with others in a non-threatening, non defensive manner." And so his argument goes.

I love the way Getz brings out the context of the term didakitos. He is absolutely correct in that Paul is showing Timothy, and all of us, what Christian character looks like. Thus, teaching itself does not exist in a moral vacuum. True teaching can only take place when knowledge and ethics come into line, reinforcing the truths being presented. In truth, knowledge for the sake of knowledge (with apologies to my wonderful mother-in-law who loves this phrase) is emptiness in the long run. (In truth, it is the Holy Spirit who will reveal how accumulated knowledge can be used to further the kingdom.) There must be a practical outcome at some point. I think Getz is right in reminding the reader of this very practical context.

Yet, I am disappointed in the lack of emphasis on biblical knowledge here. Yes, Getz does discuss Scripture on p. 92. And he notes the need for Christians to know God's word and do so consistently. He even gives some practical advice on how to handle the Scripture in everyday circumstances. However, I think one of the key points that Getz is missing here is the importance of right knowledge and understanding of Scripture. Sure, we can debate who's knowledge and interpretation is right, and there are plenty of nuances in that line of thought that I will not venture into in the blog--but will be glad to discuss in responses.

The fact is that Paul knows there a false teachers around who are attempting to undermine the heart of the Gospel message. Furthermore, the letters of 1 Peter, 2 Peter, Jude, James, and 1 John all touch on the importance of avoiding false teachers and prophets. It seems to me that being a proper teacher involves "skill, abilities, and expertise" (to use Getz's terms, p 89). I wish that Getz would have emphasize the importance of knowing who you are and how you handle the scripture. Maybe it is just the teacher in me.

I did enjoy his thoughts on 94-5. He provides some excellent step on handling scripture when in conflict. I agree with his assessment that Scripture is not a personal weapon, but a tool of the Spirit. When we use scripture for our own outcomes and victories, we will find it to be a burden and powerfully destructive. I think this is at the heart of Getz's convictions in this chapter. He argues that the godly man must humbly handle Scripture with character and dignity, and not as a tool for his own selfish ambitions and to cover his own insecurities.

Measure of a Man: Being Hospitable: The Doughnut Shop

The personal illustration of Getz on pg. 80 captures my attention because I have seen this situation over and over again in ministry. Basically, Getz gives his story on being ripped off by a sad story, and reflects on some tough love that he exhibited to a friend. His observations about the persons lifestyle are to be noted. But, did he do enough to meet the criteria of loving the individual? Did he use his resources wisely, and is that the criteria for obeying God's commands? And what do you make of his last sentence in the section (p. 81)? Is he just making a judgment against the person, and thus an excuse for not trying harder?

What would you do differently?

Where do you draw the line between "aiding people" and "not reinforcing irresponsibility"?

Measure of a Man: Being Hospitable (Chapter 7)

I love the Greek term for hospitable: philoxenon. It is two Greek terms combined together: philos,which means "love" of an equal (like a sibling) and xenon, which is a term for "people." Thus, "hospitality" is exhibiting a care or love for people--anyone who may come by your door or enter into your life.

It seems to me that Getz nails this concept, and has collected some terrific verses to illustrate it. Acts 4:34-35 "There was not a needy person among them . . . for they distributed to each as any had need." Or 1 Peter 4:8 "Be hospitable to one another without complaint." And Hebrews 13:2: "Show Hospitality to strangers."

So, the Scripture shows clearly how we need to act. What points of actions do we need to have? Getz mentions the obvious, "Love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

But he also hits at the reason why most Christians struggle with showing love. "Thinking about being hospitable may threaten us." Now I have met people that are not in the least threatened by giving their life savings away to people. They have a giving heart and want to solve everyone's problems. These people amaze me--they can always find a way to give and never think twice about the sacrifice. In some ways, this is a most amazing gift!

Yet, sometimes giving money or physical things may cover up the real problem. Hospitality does not enable bad behavior. Hospitality meets real needs through self-sacrifice. The key to living a truly hospitable life is intentionally to meet real needs through self-sacrifice (meaning, no payback expected or required).

I admit that I struggle with this one. It is easy for me to justify a lack of giving. Often times, when an opportunity arises, I am unprepared for it. The key for me is intentionality. Godly people live a life that intends to love others by meeting needs. I believe that in some way the sacrifice of our own personal belongings to a ministry of hospitality is an ultimate expression of Christian maturity.

So, be hospitable, and mature, by presenting your whole life to God--and intentionally planning on using the resources provided for you to make those around you be thankful to God and his provisions along the journey. The goal is not to solve things in the easiest way, but to make all of our resources God's resources; and to let God use us, whether we look wise or like fools, for his glorious purposes.